This is one o’ them Macho-Guy Recipes from Buck’s Blue Collar Cook Book. It's the perfect way to enjoy all that turkey your more proficient buddies bagged this spring then generously shared.
Six Pack of Beer preferably Corona or Miller Genuine Draft. Very cold, this ain't England.
A can of stale beer: here, any brand will do.
A fifth or more of Kentucky Bourbon. I prefer Wild Turkey 101 proof and it does seem appropriate!
One cup or so of Southern Comfort.
2 – 3 pounds ground turkey. Okay, you could use store-bought meat, but trust me, Pilgrim, it just don't have the flavor of a wild bird. Also, the thighs are best for this but the breast will do. Just be sure to toss the heart, liver and gizzard into the grinder along with that breast meat.
A big jar of Jalapeno peppers.
Buck Thorn's Deep In Dixie Firewater (That there's hot sauce, Pilgrim. What did ya think it was?)
Course ground black pepper
Peanut oil - Okay, whatever edible oil you have on hand will do. (DO NOT use Castrol 10W-30! It gives the food a funny aftertaste.)
Generous portion of Honey - No, not her! The kind from a bee.
Carefully measure a shot of Bourbon and set aside.
Open one of the cold beers.
Drink the Bourbon and chase it with the beer.
Mix equal parts of honey and Southern Comfort until you have enough to fill a coffee cup or an empty Campbell’s soup can. Set this aside.
Heat a little oil in a large skillet till the oil is ready to smoke. Turn the heat off and add the turkey and pour in a half can or so of the stale beer.
Warning: If you’re using beer you collected after the fellers left last night, watch for them cigarette butts. I know some of you like the tang they add, but that’s a personal choice you’ll have to make. At any rate, I would at least pick the butts out and discard just for the sake of appearances.
Turn the heat back on "high" and add a bunch of the chili powder some cumin, salt, pepper, a shot of Bourbon and half the juice from the jalapenos.
If you like, you could cut a large green pepper into eight or nine big pieces and throw them in the pot also. (Be sure you do this early in this routine, knives and Bourbon don't mix well) Bring the mess back to boil then lower the heat to a simmer.
Drink another shot and chase it with a beer.
Now mix the flour and shortening. We're going to make pastry dough so you can get that recipe from any female you know. Make enough to just about fill both your hands. Slug another shot and knead the dough until the wave of nausea is gone. Spread the dough on a fairly flat and reasonably clean surface and roll it out till it's about as thick as a bream (catfish, blue gill, perch, etc.) fillet. If you're drinkin' from a fifth of Wild Turkey, Old Crow or I.W. Harper, you can use the round bottle for a rolling pin. If you don't have a round bottle, a soft ball bat, the case your rifle scope came in or even a fluorescent trouble light will do.
Using a dull table knife or spatula, cut the dough into 3" squares and have another shot and chaser. You could substitute Pillsbury biscuits and eliminate a lot of work. You can also use those little crescent roll triangles but they only have the three sides and I’m not sure how to convert that. You know, if you use 12 four-sided pieces, do you need 16 three sided ones and so on. It’s up to you, but let me assure you, the conversion problem gets worse and worse as the drin..., - I mean cooking - progresses.
Is the meat ready? Is all the liquid gone? If not, turn the heat up to high and watch it.
Note: This is a good time to see if that bourbon has 'turned'. Know whut ah mean? And you know that beer ain't gettin' any colder.
When the liquid is gone, remove the pieces of green pepper and spoon out a portion of the meat that would just about fill a 12 gauge Federal shot shell. As a matter of fact, I have found that a used magnum Federal shot shell in #4 to #00 is the perfect measure. I favor the green ones ‘cause they don't show dirt so readily.
Place this meat portion in the middle of the dough square and wrap the dough up around the meat. Wet your hands and the dough won't stick so badly, but use extra care with your beer cause that naturally makes your hand slippery-er.
Heat the oven to about 350. Drop (this is the important part, hence the name of the dish) the wrapped turkey onto a greased sheet or whatever will fit into the oven and stick it in. After about 5 minutes, brush the droppings with the honey-liquor mix. Do this every 5 minutes or so and bake till the crust is the color of a late summer whitetail buck.
Have another shot and chug a beer.
Wait until that wave of nausea goes away.
Remove and let cool for at least 15 minutes.
Set 'em on a plate, bucket lid or whatever you eat from, pour a little honey-liquor mixture over them, plop a dollop of sour cream on top and there you go - Buck Thorn's O-riginal Turkey Droppings Supreme-o!
For an extra visual effect, top the dollop of cream with a piece cut from a ripe black olive.
If you can't wait the 15 minutes, better pop open another cold beer cause the meat in the middle will sizzle on your tongue. Some people like that. In that case just wash the burn off with a long gulp of cold beer and numb the tongue with another shot.
These little turkey filled babies go great with whiskey, beer, tequila, koumiss (fermented mare's milk) or any combination of these popular drinks. For variety, I like to impale them, while hot out of the oven, on the tip of my 15 inch Argentine bayonet and dip them in Buck's Firewater then the sour cream. If Buck Thorn's Deep In Dixie Firewater isn't available, any really good, hot sauce such as Texas Pete will do.
These can be made with many varieties of ground meat. Beef, bear, wild boar, possum, venison, wood chuck, komodo lizard or even kangaroo. However, even though I don't want to be labeled a neigh-sayer, I would never use horsemeat.
At least not as the mane ingredient.
Number of Servings: Depends - did you use the biscuits or the crescent rolls?
Preparation Time: How much Wild Turkey did you have on hand?